Living at Golotha

"Mrs. Bailey hoarded every possession but life itself, and now that was gone. But her death actually occurred years before her heart stopped beating. Her death was signaled when she first began to clutch at life. "If you would save your life, you will lose it; But if you lose your life for My sake, you will find it." (Matt 16:25)

"The church is engaged in a similar struggle. We are in a death drift that moves us from serving to preserving. We feel it carrying us along. Our spontaneous fellowship soon becomes a program. Bearing one another's burdens becomes a budget line item. Self-sacrificing friends become paid professionals with titles (counselor, minister, director) and salary packages, longevity guarantees, and retirement benefits. Our meeting places turn into 'holy places' with stained glass, polished oak, and locks. Taking 'no thought for tomorrow' becomes sentimental rhetoric as we build bigger barns and amass insurance and endowments and reserve funds against the unpredictable events of our future.

"But the church has no future. We have only the present. In this present moment we must spend, lavish, and give away our tomorrows for the sake of His kingdom today. In short, we must die. Today. That is the only way to save our lives. The church is called to live at Golgotha. If perchance tomorrow morning we discover that our depleted spirits have a new supply of energy, that the emptied offering plate is full once again, and from sacrificial dreams whole new dimensions of life have burst forth, then we will begin to understand something of what the resurrection is about. On the other side of death, each death, stands our risen Lord. And He beckons us." - Lupton

I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering; becoming like Him in His death.

Morgan "Look at Jesus only." }|{

God's Bullies

I'm very opinionated and have never really been one to bite my tongue. Because of the way some of my friends struggle expressing themselves, I am really proud of this. Except for the times when I run into strong Christian women. It seems each one is strong in a timid, gentle way. They don't need their voice to be heard, except in prayer where it speaks louder than any other. I would love to be that way, but I hate not saying what's on my mind.

My social work classes make this very challenging. There's a lot of debate and discussion on opinions. Over this past semester, I've grounded myself in knowing that what I say, won't change anyone's mind. And even if I did manage to get them to see things my way, it wouldn't change the world. There's really no point to arguing.

That being said, I still LOVE to get my opinion in. And do just that on most days. But I've gotten better at reading a situation and evaluating if my words would prove effective. I think the points where this is the hardest is when God comes into play. About a month ago, a woman, clearly emotional said she didn't understand how God could send her son to hell for being gay because he was such a beautiful person. Ok, there's a plethora of things I could say and I wanted to, believe me. It would have been something like "Sin is sin. And homosexuality is no more a sin than lying, or exaggerating or anything else we humans do. The difference is God's grace and mercy. He can help us choose the right path. And God doesn't send anyone to hell, we choose hell OVER God." But seeing how emotional she was, I decided that calling her out and preaching to the class was not the way to go. Then, about 2 weeks ago, after disclosing information on how her brother died from alcoholism, she expressed how angry it made her at God. Again, I let it go.

Last Monday, I was putting my books in my book bag and I heard her sigh while waiting for the teacher. Normally, I would assume that she was just sighing out of habit: a paper, a bad grade, having to wait for the teacher to get done with other students. But I felt like I should check. "Are you ok?" She shook her head and said no. Apparently, the place she works at just burnt down and last week she lost her father. I told her about how I lost my dad a year ago and asked if I could pray with her.

I think it was the worst prayer I had ever done. I felt like it was choppy and I said the same things the whole time. But walking out of that classroom, I thanked God that He allowed me to be there for somebody. And I thought to myself how that opportunity probably wouldn't have happened if I had "set her straight" on what the Bible has to say. I think it would have offended her and set us at ends with each other.

I will never be one to soften the gospel so I don't hurt feelings. But, I think there's a time and a place and neither of those will be there if the Holy Spirit isn't there first. This was definitely a lesson: God would rather us be His reflection, than His bullies. Praise Him.

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

The Referral Game

"'Referral' is a game devised by people helpers to assist the needy in finding help somewhere else. It appears kind and is laced with compassionate words. It can be played by all kinds of churches and agencies. The only requirement is the purchase of a social service directory and a volunteer to dispense appropriate information. 

"'Referral' is an attractive game for churches. Christians can discharge their responsibility to the hungry, naked, and the homeless with efficiency and cost effectiveness. Referral requires little personal contact with the poor.
"Referral is serious, too, because it deludes the resourced people of God into believing they have fed, clothed, and housed 'the least of these.' In fact they have neither sharied their bread, nor given their second coat, nor invited a stranger into their home. Referral allows us to process poverty with rubber-gloved safety rather than enter the contaminating world of redemptive relationships." - Robert D. Lupton

 ^{Matthew 25:40} “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’


Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

The Very Appearance - Take Up Your Cross

"Avoiding the very appearance of evil speaks "of values of a different kind. The words call for sensitivity to the lifestyle struggles of others. they cautioned against wounding the conscience of a fragile believer or causing young faith to turn cynical. They spoke of Audis - the honest and right things in life that mus be relinquished for the sake of others. The Audi was something good. But using the money given for the urban ministry among the poor to support the luxurious lifestyle of an urban worker, that was evil. Even its appearance was to be shunned.

So what was the higher value - - Good stewardship or avoiding the appearance of evil? What about the hypocrisy of of driving a 'humble' car when we could really afford better? Our motives are never pure anyway. Christians are supposed to judge each other, so why become captive to uninformed opinions?" - Robert D. Lupton

I often play this same tug-of-war with myself and Jesus. And it helps when I have other people pulling on my side: "O you don't have to do that" "You need to think about yourself" "That's legalism" "You're talking it too far, chill out. Jesus will be proud of you no matter what" "It's not that big of a deal" "You're too hard on yourself" "Be happy" "You deserve . . " "Don't burn yourself out" "They just want. . . " "You're not Jesus"

Well, actually as far as God is concerned, I am kind of Jesus. When God looks at me, He sees His son. I believe that these same "Helpful suggestions" though coming from a good place, are the same words (in a different form) that Peter spoke in Matthew 16:

22 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

And how did Jesus respond?

 ²³ Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

I would much rather receive Peter's comforting words and allow them to put my mind at rest than resist him by seeing them for what they really were: Lies from the pit of hell.

Lupton goes on to finish his story:

"I would have liked to continue this rational filibuster for the next several years while I enjoyed driving the Audi. But when I became quiet before God I was aware of that gentle nudging, familiar to all believers, toward the laying down of life an the other valued things for the sake of brothers and sisters."

Is this not what Jesus Christ requires of all of us?:

 ²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ²⁵ For whoever wants to save their life^[f] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

We complain so often of not knowing what to do. Which path to take. Which choice we should make. I believe our Lord makes it very clear. If the choice is self-sacrificing and cross-carrying and life-giving, surely it is the right choice. It will bring glory to our King and be a heavenly aroma before Him. And surely He will give us the strength to do the work He requires of us.

To our God and Father be praise for now and ever more through His Son, our Brother, Jesus Christ! O how I love Him! O how I love Him!

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

O Your Deep Deep Love

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free

Rolling as a mighty ocean

In its fullness over me

Underneath me, all around me

Is the current of Your love

Leading onward, leading homeward

To Your glorious rest above

Oh the deep, deep love

All I need and trust

Is the deep, deep love of Jesus

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Spread His praise from shore to shore

How He came to pay our ransom

Through the saving cross He bore

How He watches o’er His loved ones

Those He died to make His own

How for them He’s interceding

Pleading now before the throne

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Far surpassing all the rest

It’s an ocean full of blessing

In the midst of every test

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Mighty Savior, precious Friend

You will bring us home to glory

Where Your love will never end

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

Kind of Upset :(

3 things have really gotten to me lately:

1. how mean people can be about others. While working with a group this week, I heard a guy trashing his friend, which really surprised me.And a girl talking really bad about another girl who has serious issues. Aside from that, two other girls were talking about drinking all the time.
I really don't know how to act in those situations. I want to be the type to "eat with sinners" but what do I say? How do communicate in a way that promotes love? And inspire others to do the same? While still witnessing to the people doing the damage. I wanted to leave SO bad, just walk away. But I can't imagine that that's the answer. So I stayed and tried to be warm and friendly. But I couldn't help feeling like it was a failed mission as I walked toward my car afterwards . . .

2. *Sigh* It's so hard to REALLY REALLY like people and want to be around them but hate when they use God's Name in vain.I want to ask them to stop, but I want to be able to witness without turning them off. It just bothers me and I feel slightly helpless. . .

3. Secular Student Alliance. I just don't know why they all have to get together. Ok, you don't believe in God. Why talk about it? Do you really need group support for that? I mean, what do they do: probably talk about how much they hate Christians the whole time and how stupid we are. But I can't say that without acctually attending a meeting so . . . .I'm thinking about going to a meeting.

Behold! Do not let your heart be troubled! For He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world. And take heart, for He has overcome the world.

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

Knitting!

I've decided to take up knitting! :D

I've been wanting to do something more domestic. My mom makes soaps, candles, lip balms, laundry detergent, and cleaning supplies. My mother-in-law and most of my husband's family cans salsa, apple sauce, jelly and other foods as well as sews like nobody's business.

It's not that I don't like any of those (except for maybe canning) or wouldn't be interested, but none really strike my fancy. I want to be practical, useful, helpful and a good financial choice while still being fun and creative. I think learning to knit would is the choice for me.

Last night, Nathan went to JoAnn Fabrics with me (he's the best!) and helped me look over the two choices and we talked about me joining a class or learning from one of his family members. I chose knitting over crocheting after comparing the two online and reading from avid bloggers. I like knitting because it seems like you can do more and it's not as bulky. However, in the future, once I have my new skill down, I really would like to take up crochet for winter items like blankets, scarfs, and hats.

I'm excited!

An Invitation to Suffer

"The energy I spend avoiding others. I establish an emergency relief fund instead of inviting hungry families to sit at my table. I develop a housing program to avoid the turmoil of displaced families living in my home. I create employment projects that distance me from the aggravation of working with undisciplined people. As a counselor I maintain some detachment with a fifty-minute hour and an emphasis on client self-responsibility. And even as I share the gospel with the needy, I secretly hope that God will handle their problems. 

"Of course I don't allow myself to think this way very often. I choose rather to concentrate on the positive things I am doing for people, helpful things, right things. But when I am honest with myself, I must admit that I cannot fully care for one who is suffering without entering into his pain. The sick must be touched if they are to be healed. the weak must be nourished, the wounded embraced. Care is a bigger part of cure. 

"Yet I fear contagion. I fear my life will get out of control, and I will be overwhelmed by the urgent affairs of others. I fear for my family. I resist the Christ who beckons His followers to lay down their lives for each other. His talk of a yoke, a cross, of bearing one another's burdens and giving one's self away is not attractive to me. The implications of entering this world of suffering as a "Christ-one." as yeast absorbed into the loaf of human need, are as terrifying as death itself. Yet this is the only way to life. The question is, will I choose life?" - Robert. D. Lupton

People over programs. I think we as Christians have become masters at the reversal. It saves us time, energy, and responsibility. But more than that I think it saves us heartache. It hurts to get close. To see it with our own eyes. Isn't it easier to just donate money instead? To pray for nameless, faceless people. To fill a shoe box and drop it off at Christmas time.

I used to fear becoming a social worker. The pain that would come with every story. The tragic lives of broken people. Hearing it everyday. Seeing it. Wondering how the world could have gotten this far. What would it do to me? I am so very emotional. How could I handle that all the time? And I hold on to things to. Would I really be able to leave those things at work or would the flow into my life with Nate and onto my children one day. Would I become a basket case? Would I turn cynical and end up hating mankind for the things we can do to each other? Surely, it would be better, and more healthy to choose a different profession.

Or is it a lifestyle required of every Christ follower? We are supposed to have hearts of flesh! We are supposed to be getting deep into the lives of broken people! Instead we minister to a few kids here and there and say "God bless" to strangers. We stay safe. We stay close. We stay comfortable. And worst of all, we satisfy our Christ-filled consciences for a little longer.

I love the way Avalon sings about it:

I hide me far away from trouble 

The world outside me grows darker by the day 

So I promise to stay here close beside Him 

Surely God would want His children safe 

Then in reading, how my eyes were opened 

I find that He is leading us out into the world 

Into the middle of fallen saints and sinners 

Where a little grace is needed most 

-Come take the Light to darker parts 

Share His truth with hardened hearts-

We are not like the world, but we can love it 

Come bring the hope to hopeless men 

Until the lost are found in Him 

He came to save the world so let us be

in it not of it

"When you feel compassion for something, that's what God has called you to. And you better do it. Don't hesitate." I heard that at my first Youth Jam and it has stuck with me ever since.

I think Jesus calls us to be the "bleeding-hearts" of society. What are we doing in our living rooms, sanctuaries, and offices if not saving the lost? If not reaching out to the hurting in humanity?

O Jesus change my heart. Help me to invite Your suffering along with Yourself. O Lord move me with Your compassion and help me to listen and obey. Not talk myself out of it like I did today.

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

Good-for-Nothing Ghetto Punks

I must admit that I have a very residual, very right-winged way of looking at things. I think America is way too cushioned and needs a swift kick in the rear. I have mixed views of people in poverty. I know people on both sides: the ones who need help, and the ones who abuse help. And I generally feel uneasy around black people. Especially black men.

I'm thankful for Robert's view of them.After viewing their actions around a fire he gets to the heart of things. Here's an excerpt from his book:

"Noticeably absent from the conversation this evening and every evening is talk of marriage and kids, of family plans and dreams for the future. Perhaps macho men don't talk of such things anywhere. Bu here, love is another word for weakness. It is something to be denied. Romantic words are merely tools for manipulating a lady's mind. Intimacy is a temporary high. Being cool, 'fronting,' 'getting over' are the techniques for staying in control. These are being reinforced tonight, and every night on the street.
"You want to show, 'But this isn't real! It denies who you really are. Don't you have the same emotions, the same desires for deep and permanent relationships, the same hopes and dreams for a family as the rest of us?' But you remain silent, because you realize you have not yet seen life through their eyes. You don't know how it feels to be chronically jobless with no legal capacity to support a wife or family. You don't understand how strong young men get trapped in a permanent pool of unneeded labor at the bottom of our economic system. And you wonder: how does it feel to be both disdained by society and impotent to achieve without your culture even the most basic position of respect - the head of the household?
"These men feel deeply. Their eyes tell you that. Their quick humor and creative use of language reveal the keenness of their minds. And now you being to understand why they are here tonight: to belong.

"On the corner no one asks them why they don't get a job. No one needs convincing about the dreadful reality of surplus labor. No women remind them of their inability to support their children or their inadequacies as husbands. Tonight women remain objects, so they can be controlled, dominate. There is no talk of commitment and security, of home and trust. There are no reminders of dreams that never will be.
"Instead, they share adventures and intrique, street success stories. Loud music, boisterous laughter, and other anesthetics dull their pain. It doesn't matter that they are outside the rules of societal approval. The unspoken agony of worthlessness is eased in the sharing of bottles and joints. Tonight there is relief from a future without hope."

Morgan }|{ "look at Jesus only."

Foxes Have Holes

"The Christ, the despised one, the one from whom we hid our faces, spoke softly, deeply in my spirit. It was the voice of one who Himself claimed to have no place to lay his head. I began to weep. I remembered my clenched fist and my compassionless expulsion of this stranger from my life. I cried in sorrow for a broken man whom I had sent off into the cold - unshowered, unfed. And I sorrowed for the one whose heart is not yet sufficiently broken, whose heart hardens too quickly against the call of the Lord among the least of these. 'I am sorry, Lord, for turning you out into the cold. Thank you for using my car.'" - Robert D. Lupton

This is my favorite story so far. After walking out to his car, Robert is startled when he opens to door and finds a man sleeping in it. His fist up in defense, he forces the man out. However, on the way to his meeting, as the anger is melting away, he soaks in the reality of the situation.

I can't stress how much this means to me. In our worst moments we see who we really are. I mean, that would be craZy scary, I'm sure! But that wouldn't be Christ's reaction, I'm sure of that too. I need a continually moving of the Holy Spirit in me if I want to have Christ's reactions at a moments notice. It separates those who "act out" the Fruits of the Spirit and those who "LIVE" them. Am I a liver (eww! That grossed me out for a second) or a doer? Do I act out a script like I'm in a Christian play because I'm a smart girl who knows the right words to say, the best verses to pull up, and the prominent time to lend my hand to help someone. Or am I walking "In His Steps" because I can't help it anymore. Because when I wake up it's His voice in my ear. While I'm falling asleep it's His face that I dream of. I'm not going through my day talking to myself, but in my mind there is a constant dialog with the the One who made the universe. I choose to cling to Him in my struggles, in the moments when I can't, I don't want to, I won't give in because I'd rather do it my way. It'll be ok just this once. Or will every time I obey make it easier. Easier to walk in His ways. To talk with His words. Effortless to think the way He thinks.

I don't want to ACT like Jesus. I want to live like Him.

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

O Bother.

These words remind me of one of my favorite characters: Winnie the Pooh! I wish this blog could be as cute. But rather, I think it's quite ugly.

"Why should it be so difficult to decide which is wiser; to open the church [or my home] for the homeless to rest or to install an electronic alarm system to preserve its beauty?"

&

"I thank God for Mrs. Smith and the conflict she brings me. In her more clearly than in Sunday School lessons or sermons, I encounter the Christ of scripture saying, "Inasmuch as you have don it unto the least of these my brethren, you have done it unto me." - Robert D. Lupton

I ALLOW myself to be easily irritable. I GIVE IN to road rage. Girls in class with stupid questions or answers bother me to the point where I think to myself "wow, seriously?" or exaggerate the wideness of my eyes. I hate when people breath on me. I find girls with a lot of confidence and a sense of humor obnoxious if I don't find them funny or cute. I find a person in every class to compete against because composition fuels my "A" mentality. It takes a lot for me to be respectful of other view points and not argue in a rude way. And I don't like to wait or be put out. - And all this, just today.

But when I read the words of Christ, or others who lay their lives down I want so badly to be that person. I want to open my home to strangers. I want to be even-tempered and soft spoken. I want to count all my bad points as gain. But a few minutes of being outside my home and I slip right back into my old behaviors.

I think the difference is in keeping the right mindset throughout the day. Not by might, will power, or strength, but by being in constant communion with God. I think that would change it all. Instead of giving into impulses, I would lean more heavily into the Cross until not only would I behavior differently, but I would think differently. I would think like one who has been changed by Grace. And I think it's a heart issue. My heart is not in the right place. O Jesus replace my heart of stone and give me a heart of flesh! Beating with Your rhythm, pumping Your love through my veins! Help me to stay in constant communion with You that I never leave Your garden and we walk hand in hand all my days.

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

A Lofty View

"'It takes everyone of us to make His body complete, for we each have a different work to do. So we belong to each other, and each needs all the others' (Romans 12:4-5). 

"I need the poor? For what? The question exposes my blindness. I see them as weak ones to be rescured, not as bearers of the treasures of the Kingdom. The dominance of my giving overshadows and stifles the rich endowments the Creator has invested in those I consider destitute. I overlook what our Lord saw clearly when He proclaimed the poor to be especially blessed, because theirs is the Kingdom of God (Luke 6:20). I selectively ignore the truth that monied, empowered, and learned ones enter His kingdom with enormous difficulty. 

"The community into which Christ invites us is one of interdependence. We are called to mutual sharing and the discovery of gifts Christ has concealed in the unlikeliest among us. And to those who consider themselves leaders, our Lord offers humility - the salvation of the proud that comes from learning to receive form the least, who are the greatest in the Kingdom." - Robert D. Lupton

In being a social worker I think it's so important to not have a lofty view of myself. I feel like my clients will see right through that and I'll have lost them before we even start. In terms of Christianity, I feel like we become so puffed up on ourselves because of all our lists of accomplishments. I think of it as a "savior-complex." We feel that others need us. That we should always give our 2 cents, even when it's not asked for, because we know the solution and everyone else is blind to it. I am so guilty of this and it's ended badly each time.

Interdependence.

As social workers, our goal is to empower. And while it's important for us to maintain a position of professional authority and not forget our role, I want my clients to feel needed; Needed in the sense that they matter to me and it would be a great disservice if they weren't in my office anymore.

One of my favorite things about working with kids is the things they say. They come up with the CRAzIEST things and I love every minute of it. To some it may seem stupid and they even tell them to shut up, but I encourage it. I can't think right now what I can gain from the poor, but I'm going to pray about it and keep in the back of my mind. That'll be for another blog I guess :)

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

The Goal

"When my goal is to change people, I subtly communicate: Something is wrong with you; I am okay. You are ignorant; I am enlightened. You are wrong; I am right. If our relationship is defined as healer to patient, I must remain strong and you must remain sick for our interaction to continue. People don't go to doctors when they are well. The process of 'curring,' then, cannot serve long as the basis for the relationship that is life producing for both parties." - Robert D. Lupton, Theirs is the Kingdom

Relationships. That's it. I love reading this book because Mr. Lupton is just like me: we love order; we love efficiency; and we thrive off the sense of accomplishment. He and his wife decided to minister in the urban ghettos of Atlanta and he learned quickly that he was going to have to let go of his comforts if he was going to be able to truly do God's work. He writes his findings and thoughts in his book and I have loved every page so far.

Tonight, these words became especially true for me. I volunteer with two different ministries. The 1st one I absolutely love and look forward to going to. It's structured, we get things done, and the kids are pretty well behaved. The second one is very different. The first night I left I wanted to down a bottle of Tylenol and I knew it was going to stretch me and require me to "let go of my comforts."

Don't get me wrong: I will never say goodbye to structure, that's what these kids need! But the sense of accomplishment needs to get thrown out the window. It's to feed a selfishness in me and that isn't the reason I'm there. It's for them: to teach them about Jesus and help with their homework.

Working at the second place has been kind of hard for me. I didn't feel like I was connecting or helping much. It was hard for me to relate to the kids and I felt useless. Sitting on the couch waiting for the kids to show up I started reading Theirs is the Kingdom and by the time I got to page 13 I had my head in my hands. I asked Jesus to show me if this is where He wants me. I asked Him to help me be ok with not having things the way I want them or are used to having them. To open my eyes and to be aware of chances for me to further His kingdom.

Now, I believe that the most prominent way Jesus answers prayers is with peace that surpasses understanding and/or by circumstances. Mostly the 1st. But tonight was AWESOME :D I worked on Crafts with the girls and introduced the hot glue gun to many of them. Not only did they love it, but I felt SO helpful and it made it easy to talk to them and ask questions - see what they like. Plus, two of the girls made crafts with my name on them which they gave me later. I couldn't wait to come home and show Nathan!

On the way home I thanked God for showing up tonight. He always does, I just have to ask. It's still going to take a lot for me to focus on relationships and not all the fine print, but I think tonight brought me one step closer. To Him be the Glory!

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

7 Things

A Husband Needs from His Wife:

1. HUSBANDS NEED LOTS OF ADMIRATION. Husbands love it when their wives are their biggest fan. Admiration is one of the easiest needs to meet, yet often the most overlooked. He wants to hear he’s a good dad, that he’s still good looking, that you’re proud of him, etc. Honest admiration is a great motivator for most men. Just like you do for your kids … go ahead, heap on the praise.
2. HUSBANDS NEED A PLAYMATE. Not a playboy playmate (that’s down in #5), but someone that will do things with him that he enjoys. Make him your best friend. Remember when you were dating and you did all sorts of things that you would never have chosen to do alone, just to be with him? God didn’t make another man for Adam just so he could have companionship at a football game. He created woman as suited to be man’s best friend. Don’t ever forget it. If possible, find things you both can enjoy. When you spend time doing those things you make great memories together. One mistake that young parents make is forgetting each other’s need for companionship when children come along. Children’s wants and needs may begin to take precedence over your husband’s needs. While wanting our children to excel and be fulfilled (and maybe even to fulfill some unmet need from our childhood), husbands are left alone with an unmet companionship need.
3. STRIVE TO BE AN ATTRACTIVE SPOUSE. “But he should love me for what I look like on the inside,” many women say. You are right, but one of the reasons he fell in love with you in the first place is for what you looked like on the outside. Men are visually stimulated so dress with the aim of pleasing your husband. Strive to look like the woman he married. Wear your hair, makeup, and clothes in a way that he finds attractive and tasteful. He should be attracted to you in private and proud of you in public. You may also need to give up clothes that he finds unattractive (ie. a bathrobe, certain pajamas, shoes, etc).
4. AVOID A CONTROLLING ATTITUDE. Marriage should be about equality and not about “getting your way” in everything. A wife who nags or whines to get her way is unattractive. Solomon, the wisest man ever to live, said in Proverbs, “Better to live in the desert than with a quarrelsome and ill-tempered wife.”
5. STRIVE TO MAKE YOUR SEX LIFE SIZZLE. Notice I didn’t say 7 things husbands want from wives, I said need. Just like men need water, food and air, God made him with the need of sexual fulfillment. He equipped you to be a perfect help suitable to fulfill that need. It is no secret that sexual fulfillment is usually a husband’s number one need. Bill Ferrel makes a great statement in his book, “Red Hot Monogamy,” when he says, “Sex in marriage is an interesting thing. When it’s good, it can be one of the greatest delights in marriage and when it’s infrequent, it can be one of the most agonizing sources of frustration.” Physical intimacy can be a barometer for your relationship. Your husband may see your physical intimacy as a signal that he’s doing fine at home. Paul said this about sex in marriage in 1 Corinthians 7, “The husband should fulfill his wife’s sexual needs, and the wife should fulfill her husband’s needs. The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife. Do not deprive each other of sexual relations, unless you both agree to refrain from sexual intimacy for a limited time so you can give yourselves more completely to prayer. Afterward, you should come together again so that Satan won’t be able to tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” For more on “do’s and don’ts” in a sexual relationship between a husband and wife, you can read Joe Beams article on “Sex in the Bible.”
6. STRIVE TO BE A WARM AND WONDERFUL WIFE. We talked in number 3 about how a wife looks on the outside, but it’s important that a wife be just as beautiful on the inside. Proverbs 18:22 says, “The man who finds a wife finds a treasure, and he receives favor from the Lord.” Peter says in 1 Peter 3 that a wife’s inner beauty is of great value and it is found in a gentle and peaceful spirit.
7. CREATE A HOME THAT BLESSES YOUR HUSBAND. Consider what environment you and your husband both would like to experience in your home, and work to create that atmosphere. Arrange your schedule so you have enough time to be home regularly and take good care of your responsibilities there. Don’t neglect the house, but don’t become obsessed with trying to make it perfect either. Simply do your best to make your home your family’s favorite place to be, and help them create memories there that you all will cherish.

A Wife Needs from Her Husband:

1. Court your wife creatively. Guys, you spent months and even years courting your wife before you married her. You brought her flowers, cards, notes and gifts as tokens of your love. Why stop after you’re married? Go for a walk, go on a date, but don’t stop courting. Try to plan a date night every week to “reconnect” each week. It’s not important where you go or what you do as long as you are able to get away by yourselves and talk to each other.
2. Communicate with her cheerfully. Men, like it or not, understand it or not, women need communication. They need to talk. Communication is one of the glues of marriage that make it stick and last. There is no telling how many marriages have been killed by ineffective communication. The bible teaches and life verifies that good communication is not automatic. It must be learned and developed. Want more on how to communicate in marriage: click here?
3. Be the spiritual leader in the home. Your wife wants you to be the spiritual leader in the home. It’s actually the way God designed it. Real men aren’t satisfied with just providing for their families, but want to do everything God designed them to do.
4. Give your family plenty of time. Husbands, did you know that 87% of all wives said they’d be willing to have their husbands bring home less money if it meant their husbands would be home more? Wives want their husbands to give their children and families plenty of time. Don’t believe the old lie that a little quality time is all that’s needed. You can’t get quality time without quantity time.
5. Serve her cheerfully. Don’t be one of those, “That’s not my job,” kind of husbands. There’s no such thing as a job you can’t do to help out. You can load the dishwasher, clear the table, vacuum the floors or whatever else she needs help doing. Don’t come home from work, plop your rear in a chair and say, “What’s for supper and why is the house in such a mess?”
6. Give her some money to call her own. She ought to have some money budgeted into the budget each month that she can use for anything she wants. With her money she can get a manicure, pedicure, new shoes or anything else without being made to feel guilty.
7. Be open and honest. One of the worst things you can do in marriage is hide things from your wife. Even little things you think are insignificant should never be kept a secret. There should be no secrets in marriage. No hidden friendships, text messages, email, passwords or plans. Be open and honest.

* From Trey Morgan (!) Pastor at Childress (!) Church of Christ in Texas :D

My 1st November 4th (Part 2)

I am so grateful for his year in dialysis. It wasn't until that I really spent time with him. Before that I was at church almost every night of the week, my friends were just more important than staying home with boring old dad. Don't get me wrong, I loved him very much, but he seriously LOVED his T.V. and I would rather be hanging out. August 16th 2008 really woke me up. My other best friend, Hannah, was spending the night after a bonfire and we were woken up to my dad being transported in an ambulance. I thought that might be the day. My head raced for the date, I REALLY didn't want it to be an important date because I really didn't want a "bad or good" day to be the day I'd always have to remember. 

During the next year, I was going through some issues of my own, and considering getting deeper with Nathan   and my dad's advice always fixed whatever I was going through. I would climb up into the hospital bed we had for him at the house and we talk for hours. I would hold his hand, lay my head on his chest and he would tell me stories, give me advice, and listen. As a kid, there is just something about your dad's hands. Strong, beat-up, nails touch as steal. I loved those hands. Each bruise, every scar, how tough and calloused they were. I loved just holding them.

 I learned so much about this man in that time. We became best friends. Or while driving to CDC in Mentor for his treatments, he was so cute in his winter hat! I was SOOOO terrified at his driving, as was most of my family, but we all new what a great step this was for him. Strong, bold, and independent, he had spent every moment of his life providing for his loved ones. From the time he dropped out of school in the 9th grade till the last year when he wasn't allowed to work anymore, he had labored for our benefit. After having everything being done by other people, getting to drive again gave him something back. 

I am so grateful for the time Nathan and my dad did have together. He asked my dad's permission to date and marry me, which my father REALLY liked. One of my favorite memories was on September 6th, 2009 after making dinner for my mom and dad, Nathan and I sat down to talk with my parents so he could ask "the big question." The conversation that ensued was one of the best of my life. I could not have planned a better moment, so I'm glad Jesus did it for me. I wouldn't want my dad to be in the pain he was in ever again, but I wanted, I wished, I longed so bad for him to be at my wedding. Having it on his birthday meant so much to me; I am SO grateful it worked out. 

Living life without now is still hard. I'm sad over the things I can't have him hear for: seeing our new house, eating my cooking (He would LOVE that! Man, he was proud of me for making a grilled cheese at 18!) and seeing my kids someday. But I think the hardest part is when I face a problem. His word was worth more than gold to me. Even if it seemed completely off, I locked it in my heart. Today, when things arise, I want so badly to talk to him about it. Or sing a hymn with him. We had a lot of fun doing that his last year, too. Just A Little Talk with Jesus was our favorite one. We would go through and pick our favorites and he would tell me how he remembers his mom singing them all the time: in the kitchen, in the yard, or while he was falling asleep. I hope I am that for my own kids oneday.

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Nathan here with me now. Holding his hand makes everything better for me. While we were dating, we were at a house with a group of friends and when he saw a text on my phone about my dad not doing well, he asked them to stop so we could pray. Holding his hand in the circle that night I knew this was the hand that I wanted to hold for the rest of my life. I meant it when I said "my hand to hold" in my vows. And his hand to this day makes my lesses any of the pain I'm going through. 

More than anything, I am thankful for my Savior. When He is near all is well, and when He is far, nothing goes right. I'm thankful for the father he gave me. I'm thankful for the husband He's given me. And I'm thankful for Him. I know what those "old guys" from the 17th and 18th century are talking about when they say that communion with Him is better than life, that it is the sweetest thing known to man. He's my best friend, my comforter and my heart's desire. And while one day He may take Nathan from me too, it'll be His hand, His nailed-scared hand that I'll hold on to.

So while I was dreading this day months ago, I'm ok today. Over the past 3 months it's really begun to set it on awesome and glorious it is that my dad is with Jesus right now. With his family and loved ones, and soon, we'll all be there with Him. So while it may seem our loved ones get "ripped away" from us, we are promised that in His family, we will see them again. What a Saviour! What a Savior!

So until then, dad I miss you, and I love you, but I'm goin' off memories of you and I can't wait to see you again. It's not forever, it's only . . . for now.

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

My 1st November 4th (Part 1)

Looking back, it's weird that this date meant nothing to me in all of my life until last year: the day my dad passed away. That was one of the hardest days of my life. The days follow fall into the same category. He had stroke two days before and he wasn't doing well. His whole right side was paralyzed and couldn't talk. The last thing he ever said to me was the night before when he asked me to make him some popcorn. (Man did he love his popcorn! So I like to think of myself as The Popcorn Maker sometimes when I'm really sad). I remember visiting him the night before he passed and holding his left hand. I will never forget how he rubbed his thumb over my engagement ring the entire time. I am so thankful for that moment because even though he had given Nathan permission to marry me, it felt like in that moment, he was showing me that it was time to let go: That Nathan how had to be the most important man in my life. That transition was precious, but I had no idea that the very next morning he would leave us.


I know that might be hard to believe, but no matter how bad it looked, I never accepted that "this might be it." He had numerous health concerns for most of my life. Loosing him was the biggest fear of my life but each time, he pulled through; God gave us more time. That day, the day that he left, I was driving to the library with my best friend Grace and my little sister Casey. Getting that phone call on Ford rd, shook my entire reality. I ran back home to let my cousins Nikki and Paul know about it and then flew to TriPoint.


When I got there most of my family was gathered around him crying. My mom stepped aside so I could say my goodbye. I remember hugging him with all I had in me while trying at the same time to not brake him: he looked more like a fragile shell than a human being. The look in his crystal blue eyes saying "don't cry for me, 'my sweetie' (as he used to call me), I'm going home. Don't cry." That was the 1st time my heart broke that day.

The second time was when Danae came in the room. Rushing she fell to his bed side weeping "no, no, no, no." The next moments I remember where hugging my aunt Dixie and cousin Shayla. Then my mom and Danae. Everyone was crying. I pulled out my Bible and read from Isaiah 57: 


¹ The righteous perish, 
   and no one takes it to heart; 
the devout are taken away, 
   and no one understands 
that the righteous are taken away 
   to be spared from evil. 
² Those who walk uprightly 
   enter into peace; 
   they find rest as they lie in death. 

The time after seemed to go in slow motion. Nathan was on his way up but living in Kent meant it was going to take a while. The next thing I remember was my best friend's mom, Mrs. Nash, coming in the room. That women has a peace and strength to her that I can't say I've seen in anyone else. Seeing her cry for my dad and the hug she gave me was one of the most comforting moments of that day.

Soon after, it was all over. He took his last breath and then he was gone. I was filled with remorse seeing him there lifeless. While at the same time overtaken with rage at the monitor displaying a straight line and blinking "NO SIGNAL" or "NO 'something'". I wanted to brake it, destroy it. But I had to turn my attention to Casey, she was about to live the nightmare I had always feared: growing up without my Dad. I wanted to be strong for her.

My dad and Casey -->

It was almost impossible when my heart broke for the 3rd time that day. Seeing my mom be without, truly without, the man she had loved and stood by for over 50 years was unbearable. Waves of pain and emotion crashed down as a tidal wave as I saw her plead through tear-filled eyes "Jerry, don't leave me. You can't leave yet. You're supposed to wait for me; we're supposed to go together." It was so hard in that moment to understand why God would give us someone to love only to take them away. My mom left without her other half after a lifetime of having him. Why would the goal of marriage be to be united into one, only to be ripped apart. Right now it was my mom and dad - one day it will be me and Nathan.

The time after that kind of blurs together. Nathan got there and his hug was exactly what I needed. My knees gave in and I sobbed on the hospital floor, his arms encased around me. Lonnie came in and cried on his dad's shoulder. That was really hard for me too. I remember getting really angry at Marissah, my sister, for not being there. How could she? I was SO mad. Everything after that was a blur. Mrs. Simpson, my Titus 2:4 woman, showed up and I was SO touched that she came. She always knows what to say to make me feel better and even just having her there was comforting. Later, Todd, the pastor who married us. came in and I was surprised with joy that he came out for me (I had only known him now for a matter of months, so I was really touched). O and I remember eating Ranch Doritos with Grace's sisters, Rachel and Leah, who had also come out, which was seriously awesome.

The next few days ran together with my heart bleeding at each memory, each realization that he wasn't coming back. I depended very much on Nathan the 1st few days after and he rose to the challenge like the hero he has always been to me. I clung to Jesus heavily during those first few weeks. And I still do. There have been so many times that I've missed my dad this past year. I want to just smell his head again (may sound weird, but that was my favorite spot), or kiss his cheek. Just to hear his voice. . .

Preaching the Way Jesus Does

Nate and I try to have a weekly Bible Study and we stick to it for the most part. Since May we've been in John, taking it very slowly and reading from the commentary I got for graduation. 


Right now we're in John 6 and I really like these verses:


 ⁶⁰ On hearing it, many of his disciples said, “This is a hard teaching. Who can accept it?”
 ⁶¹ Aware that his disciples were grumbling about this, Jesus said to them, “Does this offend you? ⁶² Then what if you see the Son of Man ascend to where he was before! ⁶³ The Spirit gives life; the flesh counts for nothing. The words I have spoken to you—they are full of the Spirit^[e] and life. ⁶⁴ Yet there are some of you who do not believe.” For Jesus had known from the beginning which of them did not believe and who would betray him. ⁶⁵ He went on to say, “This is why I told you that no one can come to me unless the Father has enabled them.”
 ⁶⁶ From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.


In a society where it seems like every preacher is teaching a soft doctrine that allows sinners to feel safe with where (and who) they are, it is SO refreshing to read these words about Jesus. 


Jesus constantly spoke of the narrow path, the narrow gate. He would even ask people to make sure they REALLY wanted to follow Him. Why can't preachers do the same? Why can't we as Christians do the same? That's what it's all about isn't it? Following "In His Steps"? I'm not talking about condemning, because Jesus doesn't (Romans 8:1) or being busy-bodies in everyone's business. But do people know where you stand when it comes to the words of Scripture? Do YOU know where you stand?


⁶⁶ From this time many of his disciples turned back and no longer followed him.


Jesus didn't chase after them. He wasn't concerned with numbers. He didn't try to win them back. Not because He didn't care but because He seeks a genuine heart. Not people who are swept up in the crowd, or jumping on the band-wagon of their friends, or people who are because they're whole family is. He wants people who will die to themselves, and accept (that is, obey) a "hard teaching."


Jesus didn't fudge the truth of God to win converts so His numbers would look good. Why do we?
He didn't make it softer to avoid hurting people's feelings either. 


Loving Fire and Brimstone. - Now that's the kind of ministry I want to have. Believe me, my social work classes test me often. I'm trying hard to strike the balance between speaking the truth of God, and knowing when it's best to let your life do the talking. (Any prayers would be awesome!) 


There is a difference between tolerance and condoning; loving and accepting, standing for truth and condemning.

• Love gays; don't support laws that favor them getting married!
• Be kind and understand to a woman considering abortion; don't encourage it because she doesn't have the money or still has life to live.
• Be there for your friends, while not letting them think it's ok to live together.

Don't argue, don't pressure, don't put down. Love, and WAIT to be asked by that person unless God leads you otherwise. Prompting to get into their personal lives will only turn them off.

Jesus loved and cared about a prostitute even saving her life from legalistic radicals - But He told her to "Go and sin no more." 

The hurting and unsaved don't need a pat on the back, they need a Savior. 

In my opinion, I need Him more than anyone.

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."