A Few of My Favorite Things

I can't believe I haven't written a blog about Nathan yet. Life has been so craZy right now with all the holidays and finals week. I'm trying to study right now but I keep thinking about him because he's at school and I wish he was here with me.

{At his Christmas work Dinner 12.3.10 I love dressing.}

I wanted to catalog some of my favorite things about Nate right now and the things I'm taking count of:

1. He is always so considerate of me. If I'm upset he drops whatever he's doing and listens to me with his full attention.
2. We're both VERY affectionate to an unbelievable level. I'm so glad it's both of us because we love saying "I love you" or kissing/hugging, holding hands, or cuddling. (Ok, except when I'm at his work. I hate thinking that his co-workers might see us kiss! Freaks me out!) He'll rearrange the whole room to sit by me or when we're out, he'll squat or stand so he can be close to me. Mostly, I'm thankful that he hugs me. By that I mean that whenever I ask for a hug, I get one. Not half-hearted or whimpy, but a full-on, I love you with everything I am, kind of hug. And I ask for them 1-5 times a night. They always make me feel loved/better.
3. He makes me candle-lit dinners and brings me flowers sometimes.
4. He reads me stories to help me fall asleep.
5. We read books together alternating between marriage instructional and fantasy novels.
6. He solves off my car in the morning!! Which I really appreciate because I hate being cold and wet so he starts it up for me too! Gosh I love it!
7. He's very financially-minded. Granted, a great deal of this virtue is because of poor choices he's made in the past but I'm glad he's learned from them. Right now our only debt is student loads. Cars and credit cards all paid off. He worked it out with his work to pay for his schooling and within the first 2 years of my job all of our loans should be paid off. He wants us to live within our means which I think is a very godly trait and he doesn't like spending excessively. Sometimes it bothers me when I really want something (Which I usually get once I put my puppy face on) but when I look at the whole picture I'm so glad he's mindful of our family and is trying to be a good steward of what God's given us. - and even though he's the one that's working, he's very big on it being OUR money. He's not possessive or controlling about it. 
8. He notices and compliments my earrings/jewelry/hair. I mean,what girl wouldn't love that?
9. He leaves me cute and romantic voicemails and set up his phone to have a personal phone message for me alone to hear. It's very adorable but also personal so I'll leave that unsaid. ; )
10. He has a job! I know that sounds lame, but serious, a TON of my friends have guys who don't work and don't want to. On top of that, he never calls off work. He's diligent and responsible. He's also GREAT at his job. Last month, he got something that used to take 11 hrs down to 20 min. He's very gifted at I.T. and with computers playing such a major role it's doubtful that there won't be job offerings. 
11. He is so creative and always keeps me guessing! Whether it's creating video games, turning a computer mouse into a looka-like remote control mouse that moves on the floor, making me a sun jar using a solar panel and a pink bulb so I can capture "pink sunlight", or writing me a poem, I am never bored and he's always coming up with something new! He's like a big kid in this way and not only do I think our kids are going to love him for it, but he reminds me a lot of my dad in that way. 
12. He makes me feel like the only girl in the world. Sunday, we were at the grocery store and I was talking out loud trying to compare the prices of romaine at Acme and Sam's and I look at him to get his input and he's staring at me with adorable "I'm-so-into you" eyes and a boyish grin across his face. I crinkled my nose and through the smile that could light up a room I asked "what are you looking at me like that for?" (Eloquent, I know.) And he said "You are so beautiful" with amazement in his voice. Ok, I was in my UAkron hoodie with an orange beanie on my head. I have no idea where it came from, but I am SO thankful. And he does stuff like that all the time. Growing up, there were so many things I hated about my appearance and I knew guys would hate too. Not Nathan. Once I was looking a the cover of SELF magazine at a gorgeous blonde in a bikini thinking "I will never look like that." I asked Nate what he thought of the picture and after looking quizzically at it for a few seconds he shook his head and said "No, she doesn't have your hips." WHAT?!! MY hips? Not only does he like them, but he doesn't like that other girls don't. It's like that with everything. He'll hold my hand and stare at it and I'm like "what?" and he'll say "I LOVE the color of your skin" and to top it all off, he prefers my afro over my straight hair. That's not gonna happen, but in all these things it feels so good to know that the very things I hated about myself for so long, are what he loves the most. 
13.  He watches chick flicks, boy meets world, and Tyler Perry films with me :D
14. He considers "alone time" as being alone with me; just the two of us. He doesn't say that he needs his space, or time out with the boys. If I'm left home by myself at night it's because he's still at work, not because he wants time apart. When he is with his friends, he puts me first. I get passengers seat and he'll talk to them while holding my hand/holding me around the waist and he asks me if I want to come along. 
15. He always apologizes first and forgives me even before I ask. Seriously, I'm like "I'm so sorry, do you forgive me?" and his response will be something like "I forgave you before you even asked."
16. He loves and compliments all of my cooking.
17. Even though he's a MAJOR introvert, he knows that I love being around people and going places and he comes with me almost every time. Which I love. 
18. He never says anything when the house is a mess. But I know he likes the kitchen floor sweep and silverware in the drawer. 
19. He's great at finding things on the internet. I'll tell him that my ankle has been bothering me and he's googling the causes and ways to make it better.
20. He always takes my calls and almost always calls me when he leaves work or school. 
21. He never calls me names or says anything hurtful. He's mindful of me and thinks through his statements or responses before giving them.
22. He loves showing me off. Whenever he has to go somewhere,  he wants me to come to. Even on days that I bring lunch to his work for him, he has me come into his partners office so he can sit by me while he eats. So I guess I'm also thankful that his co-worker Scott, is awesome and easy to talk to.
23. He doesn't look at or comment on other girls. In fact, I'll comment on how craZy a girl's hair is or what she's wearing and more often than not he has no idea what I'm talking about because he isn't looking.
24. He makes me laugh ALL the time. Mostly, when he's not trying. Yesterday, before going to get the mail with only sweatpants on, no shoes either, he peered out and said "It looks cold out there" in a I don't know about this way and I cracked up. Not 5 seconds before he had just gone out the back door to his car to get my camera for me. How his opinion changed that quick, I don't know but it was funny to me.
25. Being with him has really broadened me as a person. From small stuff like watching Sci-Fi or listening to Irish music or old hymns, to big things like what it means to forgive and not hold a grudge to having integrity to do the right thing.
26. Speaking of integrity, he never lies! I mean he doesn't even exaggerate! Even when I try to get him to and justify the reasons why I think it's ok! I mean, if he's not lying to get out of work, or to his teachers for more time, even the car dealer, then I am certain he's not lying to me either. He sticks to his word.
27. He's really big on health and working out but doesn't make me feel ugly or lazy for not being that way myself. I know that when it is a concern it's because he wants me to be healthy, not skinny, which I really appreciate. 
28. He never shuts me out or pulls away. He's always striving to reconcile with me which is big because I've learned a lot when it comes to that. I can block people out and make them feel horrible, but I choose not to do that with him and if I see myself doing it, I ask Jesus for help to uphold my marriage vows and push through the feelings that lead to destruction and give into Satan. 
29. I love watching him worship when we're at church. He takes that time very seriously and being a witness to it is like watching someone fall in love with Jesus all over again, each time. He also changes the words of songs if he feels they don't fit biblically and pays really close attention to sermons to make sure the pastor's being biblical too. 
30. We cuddle and hug every morning before getting out of bed. Even on weekdays. Even if it's just for a few seconds I love feeling connected to him before having to rush into the world and start the day.
31. He has a peace within him that I wish I could attain. Even when things are hectic at work and he looks like he might go craZy, he remains calm in the sense that he doesn't lash out or freak out. I think that's because he's confident that God works things out for our good.
32. He's so patient with me. He doesn't rush when it comes to me. He doesn't make me rush. and it takes a lot to push his buttons.
33. He's kind and gentle with me. 
34. He is SO not insecure. He doesn't flip when I talk to other guys or past crushes, but is very jealous over me when it comes to guys crossing the line.
35. He doesn't gloat over me when he's right or belittle me when I mess up or do something wrong. 
36. He's very humble and lowly in spirit. With me, with anyone else, and with himself.
37. He's considerate of others and not rude. Tonight when he came through the door the talked about how he couldn't believe these guys were talking while other people (not Nate) were still taking the test.
38. He's so modest! I feel like half of the great things about him that I've learned by word-of-mouth has came from his mom! He never brags about himself or what he's done. 
39. Nathan is always putting me 1st. My wants, hopes, dreams. While looking for a house, in terms of location, his major concern how far my commute to school was going to be even though I might only go 2 days a week whereas he's at work 5 times a week. 
40. He doesn't get angry easily at all. In fact, he doesn't get angry much at all.
41. He never throws anything from my past or my failures in my face. If he does remind me of something he's very sensitive about it and makes sure it's going to build me up in the end.
42. He doesn't like things that are dark or unpleasent. Like horror movies and things that focus on blood and gore. 
43. I feel so safe with him around. (His muscles definitely helps this, he works out remember ;). Whether he's holding my hand or wrapping me in his arms I feel like no one can hurt me and I'm protected. I know he would do everything in his power to keep me from harm.
44. He trusts God from some really hard situations to making it to work safely. He's always reminding me that God's in control and that He's watching over us.
45. He has such a good attitude! Spending a lifetime with someone who always grumbles and complains has to be miserable and they drag you down with them! His mindset is that nothing good comes from complaining and his boss has thanked for his attitude. He's optimistic and always hopes for the best while being prepared for the worst.
46. Nathan doesn't quit. He sees things through to the end and doesn't give up just because things aren't easy. He holds out and accomplishes what he needs to in order to get things done.
47. I know he's not perfect, and there are times that he lets me down, hurts my feelings, or fails to meet my expectations, but I can say with full confidence that he never fails at being the husband Jesus hoped he would be for me. And every time I think about it I realize that he is so much more than I was hoping for. He exceeds the hopes, wants and dreams I had for the man I would one day marry. And I pray that I can be that wife for him.

5.22.10

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

Living at Golotha

"Mrs. Bailey hoarded every possession but life itself, and now that was gone. But her death actually occurred years before her heart stopped beating. Her death was signaled when she first began to clutch at life. "If you would save your life, you will lose it; But if you lose your life for My sake, you will find it." (Matt 16:25)

"The church is engaged in a similar struggle. We are in a death drift that moves us from serving to preserving. We feel it carrying us along. Our spontaneous fellowship soon becomes a program. Bearing one another's burdens becomes a budget line item. Self-sacrificing friends become paid professionals with titles (counselor, minister, director) and salary packages, longevity guarantees, and retirement benefits. Our meeting places turn into 'holy places' with stained glass, polished oak, and locks. Taking 'no thought for tomorrow' becomes sentimental rhetoric as we build bigger barns and amass insurance and endowments and reserve funds against the unpredictable events of our future.

"But the church has no future. We have only the present. In this present moment we must spend, lavish, and give away our tomorrows for the sake of His kingdom today. In short, we must die. Today. That is the only way to save our lives. The church is called to live at Golgotha. If perchance tomorrow morning we discover that our depleted spirits have a new supply of energy, that the emptied offering plate is full once again, and from sacrificial dreams whole new dimensions of life have burst forth, then we will begin to understand something of what the resurrection is about. On the other side of death, each death, stands our risen Lord. And He beckons us." - Lupton

I want to know Christ and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in His suffering; becoming like Him in His death.

Morgan "Look at Jesus only." }|{

God's Bullies

I'm very opinionated and have never really been one to bite my tongue. Because of the way some of my friends struggle expressing themselves, I am really proud of this. Except for the times when I run into strong Christian women. It seems each one is strong in a timid, gentle way. They don't need their voice to be heard, except in prayer where it speaks louder than any other. I would love to be that way, but I hate not saying what's on my mind.

My social work classes make this very challenging. There's a lot of debate and discussion on opinions. Over this past semester, I've grounded myself in knowing that what I say, won't change anyone's mind. And even if I did manage to get them to see things my way, it wouldn't change the world. There's really no point to arguing.

That being said, I still LOVE to get my opinion in. And do just that on most days. But I've gotten better at reading a situation and evaluating if my words would prove effective. I think the points where this is the hardest is when God comes into play. About a month ago, a woman, clearly emotional said she didn't understand how God could send her son to hell for being gay because he was such a beautiful person. Ok, there's a plethora of things I could say and I wanted to, believe me. It would have been something like "Sin is sin. And homosexuality is no more a sin than lying, or exaggerating or anything else we humans do. The difference is God's grace and mercy. He can help us choose the right path. And God doesn't send anyone to hell, we choose hell OVER God." But seeing how emotional she was, I decided that calling her out and preaching to the class was not the way to go. Then, about 2 weeks ago, after disclosing information on how her brother died from alcoholism, she expressed how angry it made her at God. Again, I let it go.

Last Monday, I was putting my books in my book bag and I heard her sigh while waiting for the teacher. Normally, I would assume that she was just sighing out of habit: a paper, a bad grade, having to wait for the teacher to get done with other students. But I felt like I should check. "Are you ok?" She shook her head and said no. Apparently, the place she works at just burnt down and last week she lost her father. I told her about how I lost my dad a year ago and asked if I could pray with her.

I think it was the worst prayer I had ever done. I felt like it was choppy and I said the same things the whole time. But walking out of that classroom, I thanked God that He allowed me to be there for somebody. And I thought to myself how that opportunity probably wouldn't have happened if I had "set her straight" on what the Bible has to say. I think it would have offended her and set us at ends with each other.

I will never be one to soften the gospel so I don't hurt feelings. But, I think there's a time and a place and neither of those will be there if the Holy Spirit isn't there first. This was definitely a lesson: God would rather us be His reflection, than His bullies. Praise Him.

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

The Referral Game

"'Referral' is a game devised by people helpers to assist the needy in finding help somewhere else. It appears kind and is laced with compassionate words. It can be played by all kinds of churches and agencies. The only requirement is the purchase of a social service directory and a volunteer to dispense appropriate information. 

"'Referral' is an attractive game for churches. Christians can discharge their responsibility to the hungry, naked, and the homeless with efficiency and cost effectiveness. Referral requires little personal contact with the poor.
"Referral is serious, too, because it deludes the resourced people of God into believing they have fed, clothed, and housed 'the least of these.' In fact they have neither sharied their bread, nor given their second coat, nor invited a stranger into their home. Referral allows us to process poverty with rubber-gloved safety rather than enter the contaminating world of redemptive relationships." - Robert D. Lupton

 ^{Matthew 25:40} “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’


Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

The Very Appearance - Take Up Your Cross

"Avoiding the very appearance of evil speaks "of values of a different kind. The words call for sensitivity to the lifestyle struggles of others. they cautioned against wounding the conscience of a fragile believer or causing young faith to turn cynical. They spoke of Audis - the honest and right things in life that mus be relinquished for the sake of others. The Audi was something good. But using the money given for the urban ministry among the poor to support the luxurious lifestyle of an urban worker, that was evil. Even its appearance was to be shunned.

So what was the higher value - - Good stewardship or avoiding the appearance of evil? What about the hypocrisy of of driving a 'humble' car when we could really afford better? Our motives are never pure anyway. Christians are supposed to judge each other, so why become captive to uninformed opinions?" - Robert D. Lupton

I often play this same tug-of-war with myself and Jesus. And it helps when I have other people pulling on my side: "O you don't have to do that" "You need to think about yourself" "That's legalism" "You're talking it too far, chill out. Jesus will be proud of you no matter what" "It's not that big of a deal" "You're too hard on yourself" "Be happy" "You deserve . . " "Don't burn yourself out" "They just want. . . " "You're not Jesus"

Well, actually as far as God is concerned, I am kind of Jesus. When God looks at me, He sees His son. I believe that these same "Helpful suggestions" though coming from a good place, are the same words (in a different form) that Peter spoke in Matthew 16:

22 Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”

And how did Jesus respond?

 ²³ Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan! You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.”

I would much rather receive Peter's comforting words and allow them to put my mind at rest than resist him by seeing them for what they really were: Lies from the pit of hell.

Lupton goes on to finish his story:

"I would have liked to continue this rational filibuster for the next several years while I enjoyed driving the Audi. But when I became quiet before God I was aware of that gentle nudging, familiar to all believers, toward the laying down of life an the other valued things for the sake of brothers and sisters."

Is this not what Jesus Christ requires of all of us?:

 ²⁴ Then Jesus said to his disciples, “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. ²⁵ For whoever wants to save their life^[f] will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me will find it.

We complain so often of not knowing what to do. Which path to take. Which choice we should make. I believe our Lord makes it very clear. If the choice is self-sacrificing and cross-carrying and life-giving, surely it is the right choice. It will bring glory to our King and be a heavenly aroma before Him. And surely He will give us the strength to do the work He requires of us.

To our God and Father be praise for now and ever more through His Son, our Brother, Jesus Christ! O how I love Him! O how I love Him!

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

O Your Deep Deep Love

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free

Rolling as a mighty ocean

In its fullness over me

Underneath me, all around me

Is the current of Your love

Leading onward, leading homeward

To Your glorious rest above

Oh the deep, deep love

All I need and trust

Is the deep, deep love of Jesus

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Spread His praise from shore to shore

How He came to pay our ransom

Through the saving cross He bore

How He watches o’er His loved ones

Those He died to make His own

How for them He’s interceding

Pleading now before the throne

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Far surpassing all the rest

It’s an ocean full of blessing

In the midst of every test

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Mighty Savior, precious Friend

You will bring us home to glory

Where Your love will never end

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)

Kind of Upset :(

3 things have really gotten to me lately:

1. how mean people can be about others. While working with a group this week, I heard a guy trashing his friend, which really surprised me.And a girl talking really bad about another girl who has serious issues. Aside from that, two other girls were talking about drinking all the time.
I really don't know how to act in those situations. I want to be the type to "eat with sinners" but what do I say? How do communicate in a way that promotes love? And inspire others to do the same? While still witnessing to the people doing the damage. I wanted to leave SO bad, just walk away. But I can't imagine that that's the answer. So I stayed and tried to be warm and friendly. But I couldn't help feeling like it was a failed mission as I walked toward my car afterwards . . .

2. *Sigh* It's so hard to REALLY REALLY like people and want to be around them but hate when they use God's Name in vain.I want to ask them to stop, but I want to be able to witness without turning them off. It just bothers me and I feel slightly helpless. . .

3. Secular Student Alliance. I just don't know why they all have to get together. Ok, you don't believe in God. Why talk about it? Do you really need group support for that? I mean, what do they do: probably talk about how much they hate Christians the whole time and how stupid we are. But I can't say that without acctually attending a meeting so . . . .I'm thinking about going to a meeting.

Behold! Do not let your heart be troubled! For He that is in you is greater than he that is in the world. And take heart, for He has overcome the world.

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."