It's Just Not That Serious

Today I got to visit my Titus 2:4 Woman, Mrs. Simpson. That woman is so good for my soul. We have such common interest, have shared so much, and see things similarly, most of the time - but those are the times she's usually explaining Nate's point of view - which I'm thankful beyond words for. <3

We talk about family, Jesus, our pasts, our future, homesteading, goats, friends, issues, joys, everything. She's helped me through the worst parts of my life and celebrated the best parts.

It didn't click until I was talking with her about something unrelated that my words came back to me later in the day with startling clarity: It's just not that serious (IJNTS).

Lately I've been having a hard time with trying to evaluate if I take Jesus and His words seriously. This is nothing new, I'm constantly doing this. But part of what's been bugging me has been that I want to be a woman with a "quiet and gentle spirit which is of great worth in God's sight" (1 Peter 3:1). -- But how do I get there? I know it's the indwelling Spirit that produces this in me, but how can I make sure I'm at work with Him, not against.

I feel like, for me, quiet (which I'm not) is more like calm; peace in adversity kinda stuff, and gentle (which I'm also not, most of the time) is more like kind/considerate.

I imagine that this is the kind of woman who can roll with the punches, she's strong and dependable, but she doesn't freak out, doesn't fly off the handle, or get easily irritated. She wouldn't get her panties in a ruffle, but could cry along with her son over his pet cat dying. Am I making sense? Basically, she trusts her Savior and all He is for all she needs. Practically. She knows, deeply, that He is in control and her Forever-Ally.



I don't think this is going to spring out of thin air and magically happen for me one day. Jesus calls us to labor and rest at the same time. So I think it's more like Labor: Practically, moment-by-moment, depending on His Life in me. I stink at the moment-by-moment part (been trying to practice His presence for a week now (thanks to brother lawrence) and I'm HORRIBLE at it!), but in the moment, when the Spirit shines light on the situation or my feelings, do I choose His truth and walk accordingly - or choose my own way. The flip-side of that is that even if I chose my own way, when the Spirit brings it up afterward, do I repent . . . or harden my heart?

So that's the labor part, but here's my favorite: Rest. For me this means not beating myself up, not feeling like I'll never get there, but knowing that Jesus has done it all. He completed the work. And He's completing that work IN me moment-by-moment - because even though I stink that this, He doesn't have to think twice about it. Every second of every day He is working for my good. That is such a good feeling! Can I get an "Amen!"?! A shout?!

I'm so hard on myself but basically, walking into the kitchen I felt feelings of "grr" rising up. Grr to me is pretty much John 6, discontentment. It's me saying "I don't like this" and I react in a variety of ways, all of which are supposed to make me feel better. So instead, I thought about my words this morning, IJNTS, and I was able to thank God instead. Able to allow Him to fight my battles, to keep my safe, and work on my behalf. I don't have to work (manipulate, retaliate, freakout, or react), I get to rest. I get to respond. Respond to His peace. His outreached hand saying "Morgan, I'm here. I've got this." O I want to cry just thinking about it! My response? It looks a lot like love. A lot like peace. A lot like that "quiet and gentle spirit." A lot like . . . Him. <3

So in the various issues of my life, I'm going to go with this view point. ONLY because of my Savior.

Join me? Maybe we could hold each other accountable and hold each other up to Him? :)

Enjoying Him, (& not taking everything so seriously,)

Morgan

My 3 Heroes

I've been watching The Biggest Loser season 9 and there is a father-daughter relationship on there that kills me. It's between O'Neal and Sunshine. They have such a close bond and a tight relationship. They way that they look after each other and share in one another's highs and lows makes me cry every time.

It also makes me think about how I had that too. I think the reason they affect me so much is because it reminds me of the relationship I had with my dad. Especially during the last year. I want so badly for him to be here. I hate that he's missing so much of my celebrations. Him and Nate getting to know each other means the world to me and we had just enough time. But I hate looking back that he wasn't at my wedding. I hate that he can't come to my new house and see how I've decorated it, how I organize things. I can't cook him dinner and show him how far I've come. There's no calling to talk to him about my problems and the things I face at school or with our family. He won't see me graduate. He won't meet my kids or help me name them. He won't see me become healthy and strong, and smart. Or grow into a more christ-like woman. I yearn for his admiration, his advice, and his support. But I can't have it.

I've got stories. Pictures. Memories. But that's it.

I was thinking about how a lot of things I do are for him. To make him proud. I don't drink - ever. I promised him I wouldn't. I've never smoked. I waited till marriage to have sex - he wanted that for me too. I'm going to college and I'll be the 1st of his kids to complete it. I want to be healthy because I saw the toll that taking care of my mom put on him. I also think about how much he wanted to have his body back. So many of his struggles were because his body gave out on him. For 70 years that man cared for everyone else but himself and when his body made it so he couldn't look out for us anymore - it tore him apart. I mean it literally was like burdensome black cloud that hung above him all the time. Though he made a lot of progress in the months before his stroke, he didn't have control. I do. I have the choice to be all that I can for my family right now and follow in his steps. I can take care of my body now so it doesn't quit on me later. I know that's what he would tell me to do now.

I have another Father, a heavenly one. And his approval and pride in me is the most important. I know that all the above matters to Him, but it's not enough. It's not what it's about. He wants me to choose to love. At every turn, in ever circumstance what He wants from me is that I have love in my heart that flows over into my actions for His people. God, I need for it to be Your love that's pouring into my heart because I don't have it. People drive me nuts/make me sick/tick me off, I don't care for a lot of them. But I know You do. They're worth it to You - help me to see them as worth it too.

I think it was important for my dad to go when he did. Nate having his approval was golden for me. But so much of me still had my dad as my hero. That spot belongs to Nate, and of course to God, but now that I'm married, not my dad. He'll always be my hero - but he can't be the one I turn to. He can't be more important to me than Nathan. Nate's a tough cookie for me - he doesn't tell me what to do when I ask for advice and I hate that. I want him to have the right answers. Instead, I have to turn to God and seek him for the right way. My dad was like that too. I remember every time I asked him what I should do when it came to boys he would always say "what's meant to be will find a way." DROVE ME NUTS!!!! at the time, but now I see the wisdom and the truth behind his words - if you're seeking God first.

In cultivating my relationship with Nate and know that we are getting stronger and stronger as a couple. He's teaching me that it's not about being worthy, or punishment, but that love is what I get simply because I'm his wife. He like a real-life example, a true-to-life picture of the love Jesus talked about and wanted me to experience. Wants Christians to show each other. I am so blessed to have him. I am so greatful to God for him.

And so this is my prayer for Nate for the rest of my life:

1 John 3:18 (New International Version, ©2011)

¹⁸ Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.

Morgan }|{ "Look at Jesus only."

O Your Deep Deep Love

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free

Rolling as a mighty ocean

In its fullness over me

Underneath me, all around me

Is the current of Your love

Leading onward, leading homeward

To Your glorious rest above

Oh the deep, deep love

All I need and trust

Is the deep, deep love of Jesus

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Spread His praise from shore to shore

How He came to pay our ransom

Through the saving cross He bore

How He watches o’er His loved ones

Those He died to make His own

How for them He’s interceding

Pleading now before the throne

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Far surpassing all the rest

It’s an ocean full of blessing

In the midst of every test

Oh the deep, deep love of Jesus

Mighty Savior, precious Friend

You will bring us home to glory

Where Your love will never end

© 2008 Sovereign Grace Praise (BMI)